You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
