She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
