That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
