Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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