Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
