I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
