i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need a burrito and a hug.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
