ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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