We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
