Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
