I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
