quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
