I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
