do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
