Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
