I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize