party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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