I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize