She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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