Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
