My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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