Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
