Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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