There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
