Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
