covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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