the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
