I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
