As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize