Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
