I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
