I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
