The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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