i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
