Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well I just put wine in my tea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
