as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
