Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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