I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
