True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
