Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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