I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
