all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
