You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
