My nipple is on Facebook.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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