I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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