How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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