"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
