a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
