I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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