I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
