Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
