Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
