Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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