I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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