He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
