So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
