I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
