the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
