As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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