so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
