either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
