I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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