phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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