Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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