could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
