just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize