We're facebook friends in real life
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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